1. |
Sophomore Slump
02:56
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This sophomore slump, it's a real thing
You better think before you take that second swing
I can't find the words, I can't find a sound.
And I used all my good ideas the first time around
Like Love Never Dies or Caddyshack 2
I just lost track of what I first tried to do
This sophomore slump is killing me
How am I ever gonna make it to number three?
From crowds on high to the proletariat, there are
Stringent expectations to be met
Delivers with a kick straight to the rump
Just another day in the life of the sophomore slump
Well, the masses concur, that they really prefer
where your head was at back then
The Midas Touch is a little too much
for your tender-footed hand
for your tender-footed hand
And your self-deprecation's met with hesitation
We hate to make a stink
And though we like a good meta joke as much as the next bloke,
you're forcing it, don't you think?
This sophomore slump is such a drag
might as well head home and pack my bags
This sophomore slumpis such a bore
since I'm only sticking to what worked for me before
the exact same things I did in the days of yore
And you know I just cant take it anymore
This sophomore slump
We’ll beat this sophomore slump
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2. |
Homo Defectus
03:31
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When humankind was invented, we were
such a pain in the ass
our maker took a day of rest
From the garden on Eden we were
cast out, naked and cold
With nothing but a fig leaf to our name
Homo Defectus, that’s me!
With some quick evolution, we were
back upright on our feet
Ha! See what I did there?
It's nothing short of amazing how we
fought our way to the top
with nothing but the skill to bend our thumbs
thumbs
opposable thumbs
Humanity has been a fairly bumpy ride
thanks to some hefty notches in the timeline
Our lord and savior walked among the dinosaurs
He suffered for their sins, till they were no more
The ages got so dark, from what we can recount
We’ll never know for sure, we never wrote it down
Election, war, and conquest fill the prophecy
Less 1984, more Idiocracy
An Inconvenient Truth
came out on DVD
We're doomed to repeat ourselves
We're doomed to repeat ourselves
We're doomed to repeat ourselves
We're doomed to repeat ourselves
We're doomed to repeat ourselves
Homo Defectus
That’s you and me
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3. |
Starvin' Artist
02:29
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I see my muse just up and quit today
got sick of working behind the scenes
She bet so much money on my mind
my vision is tinted green
These just desserts have a funky after-taste,
but at least it gives me something to eat
So put the pencil to the paper,
and join forces with the anarchy
Believe you me
How I love to work for free
I need a job to get experience
and experience to get a job
Cease and desist with all your handouts
I've trained hard to be a lazy slob
Don’t be a snob
Cuz I love to work for free
(It's good exposure)
I’m a desperate devotee
(If I don’t take it, someone will)
A starving artist’s life for me
(Nobody’s fault but mine)
Boy howdy, I love to work for free
How I love to work for free
(It's good exposure)
I’m a desperate devotee
(If I don’t take it, someone will)
A starving artist’s life for me
(Nobody’s fault but mine)
Look at my bachelor’s degree!
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4. |
Clownin' Around
03:43
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I always kinda knew that I'd never fit in
With my polka-dot suit, and my big, red grin
An odd facade for a broken man
drinking rubber chicken soup for the soul by the can
I never seen a college ever giving degrees
for scaring all the kids at a Mickey D's
A hardened harlequin, pantomime waste of time
Slapstick sidekick, pound foolish, penny wise
And I got big shoes to fill
Got some really big shoes to fill
Yes I got big shoes to fill
So shoot my body from a cannon, honey
Kill the joke until you think it's funny
clownin' around
Slap me silly for a modest paycheck
Nothing's better for a runaway than
Clownin' around
We’re just clownin’ around
Working to earn that rubber nose, I'm
no Juggalo, just a crusty old bozo,
You know I don't play that, laughter is power
so lean a little closer and smell this flower
Am I crazy like Pogo, or a killer from outer space?
Well it sure beats a custard pie to the face
Come and laugh at the pagliacci
Si può, si può, signore, signori
Smokey’s always singing how he's so sad
But Smokey doesn't know sad
Smokey’s always singing how he hurts so bad
But Smokey don't know bad
So shoot my body from a cannon, honey
Kill the joke until you think it's funny
clownin' around
Slap me silly for a modest paycheck
Nothing's better for a runaway than
Clownin' around
Well, come on over to the tent, now won't you
have some fun at my expense and don't you
Dare ever frown
Twist balloons in the shape of my heart
and pop that sucker with a passionate fart
clowni' around
Crashing the clown car, better take a head count
Crashed the clown car, gonna need a head count
Crashed the clown car, gotta take a head count
One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve
thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, sixteen, seventeen, eighteen, nineteen, twenty
twenty-one, twenty-two, twenty-three, twenty-four, twenty-five, twenty-six,
twenty-seven, twenty-eight, twenty-nine,
thirty, thirty-one, thirty-two, thirty-three, thirty-four and more!
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5. |
||||
Take a look in the mirror, assess what you see
Is the one looking back who you want them to be?
Possibly yes, probably no
Regardless, there's something I think you should know
We live in an era of body positivity
where thick's the new thin, and we struggle for natural beauty
But if I'm as perfect as all of those pop singers say
Why do my prospects keep running away?
They still call me ugly, they still think I’m fat
It's society's fault that they see it like that?
Though it's totally fine to be comfortable in your skin
It's probably time now that someone who cares filled you in
Some people just aren't going to like you
Some folks are illogical, biased, or rude
Some people hate brains, some people hate beauty
Some women drink whiskey, some men like it fruity
And most important of all
You'll probably never know what you did wrong
There are 7.2 billion fish in the sea
Some of them, opposites of you and me
They say one man's quirks are another man's flaws
It's useless to protest these natural laws
Yet you might believe there are some who're immune to this fate
Like all those celebrities nobody's able to hate?
Like Scarlett Johansson (she's got a plain face)
or Jennifer Lawrence (she lacks any grace)
Benedict Cumberbatch (looks like a lizard)
Emma Watson (she's not even really a wizard)
JT (that guy dresses like kind of a douche)
Tom Hanks (don't think we forgot Turner and Hooch)
What about Kate Upton (her chest is too ample)
Dave Grohl? Well, okay, bad example
My point is that taste can be fickle and hard to discern
And sometimes contrarians just want to watch the world burn
Some people just aren't going to like you
Some folks are illogical, biased, or rude
So don't bother asking, cuz they'll never say
Why there's prejudice tattooed to their DNA
And most important of all
You'll probably never know what you did wrong
In fairness to all of the good men and women I trashed in the previous verse
I've made up a list to remind all of you that you definitely could have it worse
Paco Higdon, that guy's got a bit of a gut
He wears baggy pants that don't flatter his butt
That mop on his head is both creepy and weird
And it's kind of pathetic he can't grow a beard
His shoes look straight out of Goodwill (they are)
His room might as well be a landfill
He nibbles his nails, a most hideous vice and
His nose is the love child of Squidward and Streisand
But he still found a lady who just doesn't care
let's him dress like a hobo and grow out his hair
His blue eyes are pretty, he's got a nice smile
His humor and wit take him that extra mile
He's proof that it clearly takes more to being manly than having some scruff on your chest
His heart is so big that it makes up for all of his parts that are average at best
And I know that some people just aren't going to like me
Some jerks won't know skill if it bit their behinds
Snorting the line between fact and subjective
Whatever, we're all just a little defective
And most important of all
We'll all never know what is we did wrong
We'll all never know what is we did wrong
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6. |
Labatt Blues
03:46
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Three, one, two
It's midnight on a Saturday
my night has just begun
I'm off to ye old public house
for some microbrewed liquid fun
Like an IPA, that's aromatic, 12% and a zillions IBU's
But judging by this draft list, I'll be stumbling home tonight with the Labatt blues
But wait...
What are the Labatt blues, you ask?
Well, let's fill you up and fill you in
So say you're quite the connoisseur of all the finest suds
You're at the local dive with all your fairest-weather buds
You yearn for hops and porters, belgians, bocks, and barleywines
But unless it ends in "light", this joint has nothing of the kind
They'll try to tell you High Life and Shock Top are top of the line craft brews
And if you ain't bud the weiser, you're the reason folks like me got the Labatt blues
Abandon hope, for thou hast entered the House of a thousand Coorses
Is this what Toby Keith's been feeding to his horses?
If life's too short to drink bad beer, I might as well be dead
I think they accidentally served me water instead
But looking on the bright side, I guess it saves a dollar or two
Barkeep, over here… see me, waving my white flag? Yeah… just uh… just get me a Blue Moon
Well I've never been mistreated
by my woman, or The Man
No I've never been mistreated
by my woman, or The Man
But I never thought I'd be betrayed
by the bottle, tap, or can
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7. |
Gomenasai Stomp
02:52
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This song is a work of fiction
based on actual events
All resemblance to people living or dead
is purely coincidence
There's something foul in the atmosphere
I've smelled it since you set foot in here
A glass of wine with my choice of words
They might taste better in a different language
Gomenasai
je plaisante
Adios
für immer
The views and opinions expressed in this song
are those of the author alone, meaning me
As such they do not necessarily reflect
our sponsor's position or policy
There's more to life than reality
I'll tell you more for an added fee
Straight through the flesh, to the very core
'Tis but a scratch, I've had worse. Have at you!
There's nowhere else to run
But plenty of space left to hide
Momentai
A sight for sorry eyes
But now I'm better off going blind
Going blind
I'm sorry that I don't feel sorry for you
This song has been modified from it’s original version
Formatted to fit your brain
No feelings were harmed in the making
There's nowhere else to run
But plenty of space left to hide
Momentai
A sight for sorry eyes
But now I'm better off going blind
Going blind
I'm sorry that I don't feel sorry for you
Sorry that I don’t feel sorry for you
Sorry that I don’t feel sorry for you
Gomenasai
je plaisante
Adios
für immer
Senpai
Kizuite
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8. |
Go On!
04:06
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Hey, hey, hey
Don't you think it's a beautiful day?
Can’t you say it's a beautiful day?
And will you let me know? Cuz I'm still in bed…
Wake me up to hear the fat lady sing
The end is just the dawn of another thing
Hey, little pig
Now I got you by the hair on your chin
by the hair on your chinny chin chin
I'll huff, and I'll puff, but the show's gotta go on
Woah, woah, woah
Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?
Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?
Cuz I think you two should just stay friends
We bow before thee, holy mackerel
A molehill's still a mountain to a mole
Close your eyes,
take a deep breath and count to ten
take a deep breath and count to ten
You can stop at ten, but I think you better go on
I'm big with the Liliputians, but you
can't tie me down
So where exactly is this kingdom come?
Sixty billion double dollars on my head
But they won’t find me
That I'm sure
Cuz no-one reads the paper anymore
No one reads the paper anymore
No one reads the paper anymore
Sing, sing, sing
Do you ever get the time to breathe?
Do you ever get the time to breathe?
But you can't pass out cuz the show's gotta go
Go on!
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9. |
Bass Player's Going Solo
03:19
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The lowly hero, who seldom spoke
The bottom end, of every joke
Four strings, zero respect
Got in too deep in retrospect
Ooo, ooo, ooo, I’m gonna stand up
Cuz treble’s too much trouble, and I think I’ve had enough
This bass player’s going solo
Going stag with my Jag
I’m sick of second fiddle cuz even second fiddle gets
more respect than me
Not everyone’s destined to be
a God like Lemmy, or Geddy Lee
It’s such a slap straight to the face
to ridicule the slightly larger mostly monophonic, picked or fingered, underrated catalyst for the decision that this bass player’s going solo
Gonna stick by my Rick
I’ve never laid my stubby digits on any other instrument
but bass is all I need
I would give Mr. Guitarist my letter of resignation
but I know that he can’t read
From this day forth, it’s my decision
to feel that jazz or rock precision
So beat it, drummers, you’re weak without me
You see what happens to those who doubt me?
Ooo, ooo, ooo, I have no regrets
I may be walking blind, but I’m a man without frets
This bass player’s going solo
Just you and me, EB3
You’ll dig my groovy tunes because I’m always in the pocket,
Or are you just happy to see me?
I’ll have my pick of all the ladies, cuz beggars can’t be choosers, baby
Who wouldn’t want to be me?
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10. |
Twenty-Two
08:56
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I'm twenty-two
it's the 8th of February
Twenty-two
years ago a star was born
Twenty-two
let's celebrate the age in which your
age don't really matter anymore
I've been
drinking responsibly for a year now
A halfway decent lad behind the wheel
There ain't a movie in the world that I can't see
(Show us how it’s done!)
Just watch me
College heads towards its final season
My youth will soon head for the hills
But never mind, I'm 22, and we all know what that means
(What does it mean?)
I dunno
I'm twenty-two
it's the 8th of February
Twenty-two
years ago a star was born
Twenty-two
let's celebrate the age in which your
age don't really matter anymore
Don’t matter anymore
It’s far too young to be responsible
But far too old to be carefree
Still several decades from the wisdom, but unfortunately
one whole decade past when I could say I didn’t know any better
I didn’t know any better
It’s not the worst thing that can happen
I mean, I could turn twenty-three
Or everything beyond until the day that I expire
It’s the best and worst dang time to be alive
And it's all downhill from here
And it's all downhill from here
Yes it's all downhill from here
It’s all downhill from here
Yeah, you’re twenty-two, boy
It’s all downhill from here
Hope you enjoy living at home for the next several years
The real world is scary, just stretch out those credits and never graduate, okay?
No more birthday parties
What do you do when youth’s lost its novelty
expected to take on more accountability
Don’t listen to what Taylor Swift says about it, guys, she’s rich, remember?
Key change!
And it’s all downhill from here
Scratch that, too high, never mind
Cuz it’s all downhill
Which is nice when you’re riding a bike, not so much for existence, you know?
All downhill from here
The grains in the hourglass slip through my hands
My lifespan deteriorates while my belly expands
The horizon recedes like my hairline, farther out of my grasp
And it's all downhill from here
At least in three more years
I'll get to rent a car
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